i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
