He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
