taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
