Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
