can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
