STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
