This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
