No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
