Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
