Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
