Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
