i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
