I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
