Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
