I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
