Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
