Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
