Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
