I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
