I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He has the fingertips of a God
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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