I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
