I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
