I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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