Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
