My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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