I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
