I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
false alarm, still single
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
