remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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