She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sorry my hands just texted you
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
