You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
