So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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