...so i touched it.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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