is your mom at the bar?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
