if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize