She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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