I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize