So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
