yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize