but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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