I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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