I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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