Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I will be naked everywhere
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
