so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
