i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
