i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
FUCK WHALES
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
