i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
