Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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