That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
