your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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