It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Bring me that man meat
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
