It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize