Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
