My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
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I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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