The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
