He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
