So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
