He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
