Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
