Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
