I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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