Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
