No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
