so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
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Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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