while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
