Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
