just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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