i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
