You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
