I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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