my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So many bounce houses so little time
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
