Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
