I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
