I think I died a long time ago.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
