is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
