Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
